I Had a Dream Last Night

Dana Gould was trying to kill me.

It was a long and complex dream where at one point there was a bad guy on the ceiling of a warehouse, without looking up, I crouched slightly, threw a sword underhand up and killed him.

I have a feeling I might be reading too many Dresden Files books, one after another. There's always someone after Harry.

That said, read the books, they are really good; quirky, scary, a little sexy here and there, and with a main character you can't help but love.

Summing Up the Way I Feel Tonight

You've got to give a little, take a little

And let your poor heart break a little
That's the story of,
That's the glory of
love

You've got to laugh a little, cry a little
Until the clouds roll by a little

That's the story of,
That's the glory of
love

As long as there's the two of us

We've got the world and all its charms
And when the world is through with us

We've got each other's arms

You've got to win a little, lose a little

Yes, and always have the blues a little
That's the story of,
That's the glory of
love

That's
the story of,

That's
the glory of love.

WTF

I've been trying really hard not to piss anyone off here, but as it turns out just my presence is enough to make people want to toss me out.

Now Theanna has told me that I have to leave (Melissa will have to go also, but the point is that because Melissa is such a drama queen who can't get out of her own fucking way I'm paying for it.) Theanna says that it's that there is just too many people here and I have to leave sooner than she had said. I want to start slapping someone and never stop.

She says that it's not anything I've done that it's her and how she feels and that she's been careful about other people's feelings for too long. I was constantly being told I was doing something wrong or being treated as if I were a child. I don't see how that was being careful about my feelings. Then she acted frustrated when I started to get upset.

I shouldn't be surprised this is just another in a long line of her breaking her word to me. I don't know why I should bother trusting her ever again or why I did after the first, second, third, etc. time. Diane let go of her soul mate, maybe it's time for me to do the same. I don't want to but I don't think I'll ever be able to trust her again, and I can't be friends with someone I don't trust and definitely not a soul mate.

I hate this. I've been feeling homesick and teary all day; now I know why. I've got to get out of this state and back home. I need to be away from liars who pose as friends. I don't want to talk to her, I don't want to go anywhere with her, most of all I don't want her to ask me any favors which she constantly does about the computer, I don't want to do her any favors.

Now she's out there laughing, how can she do something like this to her "best friend" and then just be able to move on as if she has no conscience, no understanding of how she's hurt me?

Why I Think People Hate Me

I made a comment to Theanna yesterday about staying with someone except they hate me. Then I said, "There's lots of people we can't stay with because they hate me." She asked why I thought that was and that if a lot of people hated her she'd have to think about why.
(It was as if she was waiting for an opening to point out a character flaw, she had been wondering how to bring up the fact that no one liked me.) I said, "If I thought about things like that I'd have to kill myself. Which, apparently, would make a lot of people happy."

Although the conversation ended there, it did make me think about it and needless to say I was hurt.

Not just because my best bud in the whole of time and space had jumped at the opportunity to grab a concept that I was just joking about but because there are a few people who hate me.

I suppose that I'm supposed feel awful about that, but the truth of the matter is that we all make mistakes, we all have someone(s) who hate us, and those that do hate us mostly do because of their own character flaws.

There is only one person who hates me that I feel bad about, and as far as I can tell it was a lack of communication that caused the misunderstanding to become what it is. I wasn't the only one to blame in that, but I do feel bad about my part in it. If I could talk to her, I would try to make amends, I would apologize and try to talk it through with her. I don't see that happening because she has been angry at me for a lot longer than I realised at the time.

Why do people hate me? I speak my mind, I don't put up with bullshit, and I am loyal to a fault. I believe that a person should stand by their word, communication is always the way, and that scape goating is for the unevolved. I love who I love, and disloyalty is about as bad as you can be.

Put all that together and you get someone who appears self righteous, stubborn and maybe a little naive.

I also know that there are a lot more people who love me then those who don't, I think that says more then any post could.

So there.

Yay

I drove again today I did pretty well after a shaky start; I could not back out of the driveway. My brain would not allow me to turn the wheel the right way. It took me a good 10 minutes to back out of the 200 food driveway. I don't even know how many times I had to stop, put the car in drive and straighten out to try again.

Theanna was very sweet about it, she did say "STOP" one time forcefully but she didn't yell at me at all. Which was nice.

I can't wait to drive again. The more practice I get, the sooner I get my license. The sooner I get my license the more chance of freedom I will have. I can't wait to have the chance to go out for a drive on my own.

Another Weekend

Yesterday on the way back from downtown Richmond, I drove. It was just Theanna and me in the car, I hit the soft shoulder twice once a lot, and once slightly, otherwise I did well. I'd like to get out there and get some more practice but the gas prices are so high, I don't know how much I'll be able to do.

Everyone else is cleaning the house at the moment; apparently there was "a plan." I was not privy to "the plan" and woke up about half an hour ago, when I went out to use the bathroom I said, in passing, to Theanna that she was like a whirlwind. She told me that this was "the plan" that "we" had talked about. The "we" was her and Melissa, in the living room, while I was in my room reading.

Since I wasn't part of "the plan" or included in the "we" I'm not feeling very inclined to get dressed and go help.

A Little Something To Brighten Your Day

The Riley Dance

Permitted to Drive

I got my permit yesterday! I missed 4 questions and they all had to do with stuff that wasn't in the book but stuff you should know after being behind the wheel. I'm that much closer to having my license, having some freedom, and getting back to the west coast.

Now I need to get some time behind the wheel.

Happy Mother's Day!

I just got back from a hanging out session at a friend's house where I had a very good dinner, had some very nice brownies, drank some very flirtatious beer, and started dating a bird.

Eva's bird, Riley, (weird! how many pets named Riley are there and who are they named after?(no fair saying Riley.) wouldn't stop trying to stick his tongue into my mouth and dancing with me. The evening took an odd view when it turned into the parents (Eva and Kevin) meeting the new girlfriend (me.) It was really funny. I wonder if it will be as funny tomorrow.

My mom would be so proud. Happy mother's day, mama. I miss you.

Peepers

My friend, Eva, got Peepers 6 years ago. He was one of those birds who wasn't working out in the household he was in. Eva had never had a parrot but she has a warm heart and a giving nature and she took him in. He turned into a source of entertainment, a feathery child, and a lesson in taking creatures as they are. He came preprogrammed to say, "Baby?" and "Peepers?" When I was on the phone with Eva I could always hear him squawking and chirping in the background. When I was at her house Peepers would fly over and sit on me and on one memorable day he stood on my chest, gave me kisses with his leathery tongue on my bottom lip then he cleaned away all the dead skin on my lips. I like to think that that made me part of the flock.

Peepers died on Thursday as result of an accident. I will miss his ninja ways and hope that when he reincarnates, he'll drop in to say hi.

Photo by Peeper's mom, Eva.

New Link

As you will notice I have added a link to a site where Rick Overton is posting on a regular basis. Please feel free to put said link on your blogs, sites, and trail behind your prop engine airplane.

WKRP in Cincinnati

As you can see I've added a new banner. Season one of one of my all time favorite shows has been released onto DVD. WKRP was a sitcom in the very best sense of the word, it was character driven by people I cared about.

The first season DVDs include, “Pilot (1)” withcommentary by creator Hugh Wilson and Cast Members Loni Anderson and Frank Bonner.

“Hoodlum Rock” Scum of the Earth: That's our story and we're sticking to it.

“Turkeys Away” (As God as my witness, I thoughtturkeys could fly.) With commentary with Creator Hugh Wilson and CastMembers Loni Anderson and Frank Bonner.


“Goodbye, Johnny” and “Johnny Comes Back” Where we learn that you can
say Booger on the air now but there are still some things that cross the line.

“Who Is Gordon Sims?” Venus a draft dodger AND a school teacher?

Plus the featurettes “Do My Eyes Say Yes?” and “A ‘Fish Story’ Story."

I can't even say how much this show impacted on my life; I used to call my high school principle, Big Guy; my conversations were peppered with quotes from the show; and I've said it before, I'll say it again, Howard Hesseman was the wakening of my sexual desire and seeing him strikes me the same way to this very day.

To learn more about the DVD and to buy a copy visit here. Do yourself a favor and pick one up.

Do you mind if I leave?

Better

Things are better here now. I don't have to move in June although they do want me out by the time school starts in September.