As I was passing the bank I read a sign next to the ATM, but it didn't sink in until I was a few yards away -- too late to take another look. It read; From the corner store to the coroner's office.

As I did my grocery shopping, I wondered if it was a Halloween thing. You know, the bank with the sense of humor.

I walked past the bank again, on my way to the bus, and had the chance to read it again.

"From the corner store to the corner office."

Thank goodness I have the kind of brain that likes to make life more interesting for me.

A butcher on Queen Eye on the Straight Guy keeps saying the phrase, "Frenching the bone," and no one is commenting on it.

How is it possible that I've become more catty that Carson?

This is something Di boyfirend wrote in an email to her recently. It's just too funny not to share.

Penis diminishment now possible! Oversized yourself with too many
internet products? Now you can reduce back to reality with
LittleDicky Brand reducing cream. Marvelous medical miracle makes it
possible to be normal again! Also for women! Act now or forever
regret!

Ah, it is to laugh.

The Hallmark Channel is showing the Addams Family today, I had forgotten how much I like that show.

Morticia just said of her children who were about to start school, "I'll miss the patter of their little feet -- as they sneak up behind me."

Heehee.

If you haven't seen O, Brother Where Art Thou, then you should. Right now.

And if you haven't seen it in the last 24 hours, you should watch it. Right now.

Why do I feel like I'm Brain of Pinky and the Brain and this is some crazy plan to take over the world? It isn't.

Honest.

(Narf!)

Shhhh!

I just read that Clive Barker and his partner, David, have a daughter. I can't explain how happy that makes me. I'm almost in tears about it.

How much fun must it be to have Clive Barker as one of your parents?

Wow, the Lord of Illusions is a really bad movie. But it does have Emmett from Queer As Folks in it.

Hmmm, so there it sits.

I've said it before I'll say it again; I think it's only fair that the person that you are thinking about while you're masterbating should get a vicarious tingle out of it.

Or course if this were the case Jake Gyllenhaal would get nothing done.

Not that I think about.... Shut up! Leave me alone!

Over heard while standing in line at Ross to return stuff that didn't fit:

Short, stocky, white high school boy ( after hearing a PA for a new cashier): I'm going to dart over there.
Tall, black, high school boy: Dart? You're going to 'dart'?
SSWHSB: well, yeah...
TBHSB: Are you going to dart over there and stick into the wall?

I'm watching the movie Max and John Cusack just said the funniest thing: "Hitler, come on, I'll buy you a glass of lemonaide."

I wish I could slip that into conversation.

eva8, send me an email, in my last computer motherfuckery I lost your email address.

eva8 left me a comment:

i don't know how to fall for someone, i just do.
i like people, even people that bug me have good qualities.
nobody's perfect. everybody has faults, so do i, so do you, so does this person i vowed to spend my life with. but we are all beautiful souls who love and hurt.
sometimes i wonder if you are waiting for prince charming. no such thing, i say.
my husband bugs the crap out of me. every day i bitch at him or about him at least once. he's an arrogant, rude, introverted, fussy, perfectionist. but he's also loyal, funny, cuddly, hardworking and cute. my mom can't understand why i put up with him. but i can't understand why i'd throw away a perfectly good white boy, just cause he has a few defects.
but my mom doesn't need anyone in her life. maybe you don't need anyone either. or just maybe, you just haven't come accross your soul mate yet, and just have to be patient.
oh, and when you get to know a penis, they don't mind you playing games at all. they thinks it's kinda fun.

I'm glad that you're mom is happy with her life but I haven't needed anyone for most of my life and now I crave a relationship. Of course it doesn't help that I'm off my antidepressants so my sex drive has shifted into all range terrain. I swear, I can come now without breaking a sweat. And not just once, one on top of another until I feel like my eyes are going to shoot out the back of my head. Anyway, I want someone to play with, you know?

Oh, and I'm happy to hear that penises are playful. Thanks.

Did you ever wonder why it's so easy for some people to fall in love and so difficult for others? I see people falling in love all the time, left and right, up and down, round and round. I have two good friends who are getting married within the next month and not to each other. That's four people who were able to find another person to snuggle up to.

I don't know how they do it. I know people who have been in love for years. I have friends who I love that I've had for years, but I haven't had to see them naked on a daily basis.

This is the weird part, my friends who have been in love for years -- are happy to see thier snuggler naked on a daily basis. Franky, I don't think I could ever get used to that. I think I would always be surprised to see a penis within arm's reach. One of my friends likes to hang a sock off her snuggler's morning stiffy. How do you even introduce that to a guy? "Honey, I really like your penis, but I think it'll look better with a scarf."

Does anyone have any tips (other than the ones at the end of a penis) how to fall for someone who then falls for you?

After more computer motherfuckery, I am back.

I've got a crush on a guy that I shouldn't have a crush on, so naturally, I'm about to go off my antidepressents. I stopped taking Celexa a month ago, I'm almost out of Trazadone (but I think I'll get a refill on that) and the Effexor is dwindling away.

This is New Guy is perfect. And by perfect I mean flawed. Flawed in a perfect way.

Be happy that you're not me.