Urg

It's been a hard couple of months. Not just for me but for friends, there's a curse on the first of the year. I've suspected as much for years. I need someone to sweep in and help me, but there isn't anyone to give me the help I need because I don't know what kind of help I need. Sure, I need a place to live, but there's more. Once help is here, I don't know how to accept it. I'm embarrassed by needing it then I'm panicking and sending help away while still needing it.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Sexy?

When I was in high school I would have sex dreams about Howard Hesseman. They were on average once or twice a week. This went on for years. My question is why Howard Hesseman? I mean he's a good looking man, funny, a fine actor, but he's not what you might call a teenage girl's wet dream. Expect for me.

Other girls went for Scott Baio, Shaun Cassidy, Parker Stevenson, but me - I was a Dr. Fever gal. His stillness followed by sudden movement - after falling asleep on Andy's couch he'd jerk awake to throw everything in his pockets in the center of the room. It was years later that I learned that that was what people did in the 60's to avoid arrest for drug possession. Think of it - a room full of people, a pile of drugs in the center of the room and no way to connect them to a person. People. Hmmm.

Is it that he seemed trustworthy? After being sexually abused for many years I needed someone I could trust. Remember when Bailey was staying with him and he was a sweet, scruffy gentleman?

Even now when I see him in a movie or as a guest star on a TV show it will bring on the dreams again.

Mr. Hesseman was on House this last week and I just watched it.

Nap time!