A Post

I don't know why I'm posting I have nothing to post about. It's the same kinda shit different day.

I never should have come here. I should have figured out a way to stay in California. I'm so unhappy here. I took a walk the other day, two miles, and as I was walking a thought popped into my head: I don't care if I disappear. Usually when random thoughts like that come to me they frighten me, or confuse me, or make me push back in some way. Not this time. I really don't care.

I want to be out of the way, this seems to be the way most people like me, as long as they have control over the interactions they have with me, (ignore phone messages, forget special dates, keep me at arm's length) the better they like me.

I want to go home. It wasn't perfect there, but at least I had friends who wanted to see me, to hang out, go to a movie, and the like. I'm dizzy with need to be in my City.

(This is in no way directed at eva8 who is a good person and an even better friend.)