A Couple of Things

The first thing is something that Tara, Di's best bud and other half, said about a guy who she was furious with, "I was thinking about what an asshole you are and I came like the Fourth of July."

Here's the other thing: Let's say that about a year ago you started "trimming the hedge" around the "foundation of the house." And for that year you've kept that "hedge" pretty trim. You've really enjoyed that cool looking "hedge".

Now let's say that recently you've lost the urge to...do the bending it takes to keep the hedge under control. The thing is that now that the...hedge is...fully foliaged...you suddenly see a lot of "twigs" on the floor, in the tub, on the wall, interwoven in clean sheets, and on the ceiling. And you wonder, "how did I forget this. Why didn't I miss them?" (Not miss them in a yearning way, but in a "where did that nail that I always snag my pant leg on go?") You didn't even realize that you had an extra 15 seconds of free time after a shower because there weren't any "twigs" drifting at the sides of the tub.

The reason I'm thinking about this is that I returned a damaged mattress pad and as I pushed the pad, which was in a square shaped clear plastic bag and I saw, clear as fucking day, one of my pubic hairs.

At least it wasn't one of the gray ones.