The Biggest Blah of All

I am in a very bad place. My stomach feels like its full of molten bile; I've screwed up so badly that I don't know where to turn.

Last month, my birthday month, I decided that I deserved extra fun so I took a small direct deposit advance. I thought if I charged over what I had in my account if I took a little more from direct deposit advance before the end of the day that I wouldn't be charged an over draft fee. I was wrong. I was over drawn when I received my direct deposit this month and was not offered the direct deposit advance. I don't have it in me to go into all of the details, I'm humiliated enough. The end result is that my rent check bounced, the payment to the storage unit was returned, and I just received a disconnection notice from the electric company (not the kid's show, the mean one) I'm running out of my meds, I have no cash, I'm overdrawn again and if it weren't for finally getting the money I was owed from T.D. I wouldn't have any food at all.

I know I brought it on myself, I know that there's no one to help me, I don't have anything to sell except the coins I've collected over the years and I can't get to a place where I can sell them.

I'm trapped. I want to climb into the back of the closet and curl up in the dark. And on top of it all I owe friends money. I'm in a hole and I can't get out, depression is pushing down on me. I'm so embarrassed to be in this place of worthlessness, but I have to tell someone and I don't think people come here often so maybe by the time it's read, it will be over.