Confidence.

Okay, you all need to be brought up to speed. On the 10th Diane and I went to Sketchfest to see Totally Looped with (gasp!) Rick Overton. I haven't seen him in ages and I have to say that when I did see him I ran at him. BACKSTORY: Di went out to smoke and I was talking to someone at the bar, I glanced out the door to see where Di was smoking, and there was Rick. I left the person I was talking to, hip checked a guy, apologized on the move, ran out through the doors, across bricks and into Rick's arms. I not only flung my arms around him but a leg as well. He picked me up, all 185 pounds of me, and carried me.

He seemed to be as happy to see me as I was to see him. Di and he had seen each other, and Di had greeted him the same way I had. Arms and leg. LOL

I'm too tired to go into any kind of detail, but I will say this; Di and I met up with Dana Cory for the show, where Dana met up with her friend Chris (who is a *fine* actor) and the four of us went out after the show and partied with Rick and most of the rest of the cast of the show. Including the troupe Some Kind of Cult, if you haven't seen them, do. They are out of Seattle, WA.

Di and I left the hotel at 3am, I crashed on Brian Malow's sofa but not until Brian and I had talked for another couple of hours. It was 5am before the lights went out and I lay down on the couch to sleep, which I managed to do around 6:30a. Brian has a kind neighbor who played me awake with a piano at 9:15a. Well, yay.

On the 11th, Di and I met up at Cobb's for another Sketchfest event, the MST3K Symposium, this was in the afternoon, and both Di and I were worn out. I know I was whiny and cranky, Di might have been as well, but I couldn't hear her over my internal voice bitching about everything.

There is something about being around Rick that gives me confidence. I've felt sure of myself for over a week, now I'm coming down with a cold or something so I feel more tired than anything. I'd like to think it was something about how he finds me interesting and smart, but this time he said I was beautiful.

Let me let that sink in. Me -- beautiful. And said by someone I adore. Shallow? Oh yeah, skin deep. The thing is, that I didn't feel any different, I didn't start wearing skin tight cat suits or anything, but I did feel...

Oh, shit. I felt validated. I felt worthy. I felt like me, but a newer, fresher version. Rynn 2004! Now with Retzin!

I want to hold onto this feeling, this updated person, but I'm not sure how to. Is there a way to keep an epiphany sharp and real and clear in your mind? Or is that the price we pay for the sudden understanding? I guess it'll be how it is, at least I'll have the memories of the week I felt like I was something more than I usually am.