Why do I do this to myself? I watch shows that I know are going to make me sob uncontrolably. It's the the ER where Dr. Greene dies. It's that image of him seeing the faces of the people he loves, he walks the empty halls of the er, as the Busta Rimes version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

I hope dying is like that; one last chance to connect with the ones and things you loved this time around. Like a dream just before you wake.

I wish I could stop crying.